You may be familiar with the phrase, "You don't want to be a gardener in a war, but a warrior in a garden." I think you can understand the meaning; essentially, one must be prepared for the realities of life at all times. A soft life, a life spent seeking comfort will likely result in difficulty confronting things like disappointment, heart break, job loss, violence, disease and war. Nobody gets through life unscathed. And life's troubles do not discriminate; everybody deals with something no matter your social status, financial status, career status, etc. As long as your spirit resides on this side of the earth, you will face trials. Whether it is fair or not, bad things are going to happen. It's not God's fault and it may or may not be your fault; it's just life. There is no place in the Bible or in other dominant religions or philosophies that promise a carefree life. So, how are you going to deal with it? How will you teach your kids to deal with it? In my case, I have attempted to apply the principles of my faith as well as those found in Budo.
One of the most crucial and beneficial aspects of traditional martial arts training is developing the proper mindset to deal with confrontation. Over the years, I've learned that there are many ways to deal with hostility, whether it comes from an aggressive person or from within. Now, I'm just spitballing here and this is just my take, but the philosophy of karate, for example, is to "push through" an opponent. For purposes of discussion, an opponent isn't necessarily another person. It can be any number of things we have to deal with. Anyway, karate is really about forging your body into a weapon. It may sound a little hokey, but "old school" training teaches us to deal with physical and emotional pain by subjecting ourselves to it on a regular basis. We do this through harsh calisthenics, bone conditioning and endless drill. You learn how to take a punch and give one. And you don't freak out if you bleed a little. Karate is all about "pushing through."
Jujutsu, " the art of subtleness," offers a different path to overcoming an opponent. A student of jujutsu knows to push when pulled and pull when pushed. He accepts whatever comes his way and then, through years of training and experience, figures out a way around it. Pin him down, and he finds a weakness in the hold and counters. Throw him and he either rolls or falls in a manner that disperses the energy instead of absorbing it. Try to punch him and he either steps in and traps your arm, or avoids the strike all together and you find yourself in a choke hold. The student of jujutsu knows that for every technique, there is usually a counter and he must have an open and fluid mind in order to find it. Jujutsu is all about fluidity.
Aikido, "the art of harmony," is one of the most challenging martial arts to learn and master because the student must learn how to blend rather than clash or avoid. It sounds easy, but it requires impeccable timing and mental calmness. It takes years for a person to learn to match her speed and body movement with an aggressor's; even more years to then redirect that energy and send an opponent to the ground or at least in another direction. Aikido is all about combining your positive intentions with the negative intentions of your opponent and redirecting that energy to a different outcome.
All of these arts have the potential cause tremendous harm. And to become an expert, the student must learn over time to become fierce.
One thing I tried to instill in my kids as well as in all of my students is the importance of fierceness. You cannot approach life with a fearful heart. Not that you should go around looking for trouble or make dangerous decisions. But you want to prepare yourself mentally, physically and spiritually for this: everyone faces strife and everyone faces death at some point. Knowing that life is finite helps us to live a fuller life. The arts I mentioned above are examples of how to do just that. Each one of these arts contains a certain level of ferocity. If a martial arts school makes everything too safe or doesn't allow for some level of controlled aggression, the art it teaches becomes diluted and useless. It's very similar to raising kids.
Societal norms were already changing when we were raising our kids in the 90s. "Dangerous" playground equipment was removed and padding was placed over cement. Bike helmets and knee pads were everywhere. Trampolines had nets, if families were brave enough to have them at all. And, there began a push to have kids (boys in particular) to be nice and sweet. This opinion isn't going to win me any awards, but raise kids to be nice, sweet and safe and you will raise kids who become subjugated adults. Sweet little boys don't win wars; fierce ones do.
And how do you raise kids to be fierce? The same way you [should] teach martial arts. Train them in the art of physical and mental discipline. Even though it hurts to do so, allow them to suffer once in awhile. Encourage them to take risks. Instead of installing a friggin' net around the trampoline, teach them how to tuck and roll. Teach them about the dangers of falling off the trampoline. And then, let them do it. Allow them to experience pain because the more they are exposed to it, the more they learn how to deal with it. Teach them respect and to be respectful. Teach them to be mindful of other's feelings, to be helpful and kind. And then, round that out and teach them to be fierce.
I've done my best to raise my kids with a good mix of laughter, fun, love, discipline and ferocity. I hope I have and continue to do the same for all of our students.
Dave Magliano
Tatsu Dojo
Jissenkan Budo
Dojo Cho
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