Even though martial arts training ate up a lot of my time, my wife supported me throughout our 33-year marriage.
We had a lot of problems in the beginning because I was at the dojo four nights a week and all day on Saturdays…hardly the way a man should treat his new bride, so far away from her home and family. But over time, she saw far more than I knew she had, far more potential in me than I ever thought existed. And she credited a lot of that to martial arts.
By the way, if you married guys out there don’t know it yet, your wives are constantly trying to mold and shape you into better men. If you’re even half smart, you’ll let them do it. Just throwing that out there.
Anyway, Terri not only supported me, but pushed me to figure out how I could use my training experiences to help other people. She constantly challenged my motives and ideas. She made me think about and explain how this on-going physical pursuit that literally cost our family time and money would benefit people. And she deserved an answer.
When I retired from the United States Air Force and the kids were in their teens, I decided to open a small garage dojo in our home because I just couldn’t find what I was looking for in commercial settings. The classes grew and before long, there were a bunch of teenage guys and some adults sweating and freezing in that little dojo, all the while avoiding things like rakes and other sharp lawn and garden tools.
In the summer time, Terri made sure there was fresh fruit and water for everybody after class. In the winter, she made hot soup or fresh baked cookies for the guys before they went home. Basically, she would undo all the harsh discipline I was pushing on those young men…or perhaps, adding to it.
Most importantly, she was always available to talk to people. You’d be surprised how many folks actually came through those doors but she made time for everybody. And she was always interested in what they had to say. As was her way, she made sure everyone knew they important and loved. Many times we discussed opening a commercial space in town so I could reach more people. But she was concerned that getting too big would affect the ministry we had going on right in our home. As usual, she was right.
A year and a half after she had gone through surgery and chemo to remove the cancer that assaulted her body, our students decided to give us a Christmas gift. You see, we never had a honeymoon and we’d always talked about going on a trip to Ireland. All of our students, those young men and women whom she so graciously welcomed into our home for 12 years, banded together and gave us more than enough money to do just that. Grace forwarded.
But we never made it. The cancer returned and although we had the “ok” from her oncologist, she just wasn’t able to bounce back the second time around. We lost her in 2020, right before the pandemic hit.
As a testament to her character, the church overflowed with people during her celebration of life ceremony. True to her ever-present God-filled, positive attitude, she made me promise to give a eulogy that would make people laugh and know that she was, as she typically said, “totally fine.”
Not your typical martial arts blog, I know. But believe me, Terri was a martial arts master. No, she never trained, never stepped into the ring. She had no trophies, no titles, no black belt. But through her faith in God and Christ, she mastered herself. She was the best example of the kind of martial artist, the kind of person we strive to be.
I’ve since moved from the home we shared and have opened a new dojo. Most traditional schools have a wall dedicated to what is known as the shomen, or spiritual center. Among other things, the shomen serves to remind us of the proper direction for our martial arts journey.
So, in the spiritual center of our dojo sits my favorite mosaic piece Terri made. It is only fitting. She continues to inspire me to be a better man. And that, my friends, is what it’s all about.
Dave Magliano
Jissenkan Budo
Dojo Cho
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