Unlike a lot of kids my age who seemingly had it all together in high school, I had no real plan other than just getting through it. And once I graduated, I had no idea what I wanted to do. So, the day after graduation, I sat at breakfast with my dad and thought about it…for maybe five minutes. “What’s your plan now, son?” Dad worked a lot of hours to support his family and we usually didn’t get to spend much time with him. So, this moment was definitely a rare one…one with a purpose. “Well, Dad, I don’t know. I don’t think I’m ready for college and I’m not sure what to do.” “Well, son,” he said after his customary throat clearing that always seemed to exhibit consternation, “You’ve got 24 hours to figure it out because you’re not going to sit around on your ass all summer.” And just like that, I got a job. It’s nice when someone can help you find your purpose. Here’s the thing: I had several friends in high school who went straight to college, got their degree in whatever and got a job that they ended up hating. Why? Because they didn’t have a chance or take the time to allow their purpose develop. And guess what; some times it takes a minute to realize it and that’s ok.
A very small percentage of folks understand their life purpose at an early age. Most of us have to figure it out and if you live long enough you realize that it changes frequently and dictates how you spend your time, make a living, etc. One of the reasons I stayed in the military for 20 years (not my original plan), was that I had two kids and a wife to take care of. And for a number of years, that was my purpose. When Terri was diagnosed with cancer, the scope of my purpose narrowed just as it has now that Kim is going through a similar trial. When my kids were little, I felt it was my job to discipline them, take care of them, raise them and protect them. And like a lot of other parents, I felt lost when that time was over, similar to when I retired from the military. That purpose had been fulfilled. Thankfully, everything I did when they were young helped to establish the relationship we have now. I credit that to the fact that I wasn’t focused on money or my job so much that I lost them in the process. Making a lot of money was not my particular purpose at that moment.
I’ve met a few martial arts masters in my time and their skills were truly phenomenal. I’ve seen a dude thrust his fingers through a board. One of my karate teachers’ favorite demonstrations of skill involved having a student lay over two chairs with a watermelon resting on the belly. He would then cut through it with a katana…while blindfolded. Isoyama Shihan, a master of aikido, had an incredible sense of timing and his irimi nage or “entering throw” which looks like a clothesline hit in football, could literally flip you over onto your face. Been there, done that. Don’t like to talk about it. I’ve written a previous post about a woman who came to our dojo many years ago who was completely blind and yet her karate skills and abilities were exceptional. You see, these are all examples of people who wove martial arts training into their lives and those experiences became a part of their purpose. They all had lives outside of the dojo and martial arts was not their only motivation or passion. This is in contrast to others such as Mas Oyama, the founder of Kokyushin Karate, who dedicated his entire life to his art. You don’t hear much about his wife or his children, only his legacy. I’m not telling you this is right or wrong; I’m just saying that was his purpose.
Before I left Japan, Isoyama Shihan asked me to open a dojo in the United States. Here’s the way that typically works: You open a school and have everyone join the organization, in this case, the Aiki Kai Aikido Federation of Japan through which promotions are granted and recorded. You teach a very specific curriculum and eventually pay for the head master to come to your dojo, teach and promote your students, etc. In return, you get a little support from the organization and your school is accredited and “authentic.” Now, I was honored but eventually realized I couldn’t do it. Why? Well, that would have meant leaving the military so that I could open a commercial school. Can’t do that if you move every couple of years. It also would have required me to teach only aikido…no kicks, no strikes, no grappling, no kumite. Basically everything I learned before living in Japan. Simply not my purpose.
Could I have had a well-established, authentic aikido dojo by now? Perhaps. But everything that happened after that moment…the jobs and positions I held, the family Terri and raised, the time I spent with my mom before she passed away…all of those experiences are a part of the art I teach today. And it is what still inspires me to get up every day and train, do kata, lift weights, eat well and continue to push myself. It’s why I got up at 4:00 am to write this. Had I followed the path that was laid out for me, I doubt any of this would have happened. I may have been successful, perhaps more respected by other martial artists. But I would not have had a sense of fulfillment. Accomplishment maybe, but not fulfillment.
My goal in opening our dojo was to help people find and develop themselves through martial arts training. Not necessarily establish a new style or system. I will work hard to grow our school, take risks, make changes that I feel are necessary towards that purpose. And God willing, we will keep going and keep growing. But there is only so much I have control over, so I worry only about that and not about the things I cannot change. And what people do with this when they leave the dojo or when I’m gone is up to them. All I hope is that we are a small part of the process in finding their purpose.
Dave Magliano
Tatsu Dojo
Jissenkan Budo
Dojo Cho
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