Hold Your Breath And Force It

Well, that didn’t take long.  It’s only been a couple of months since (I thought) I wrote our last blog for a while, having felt burned out and perhaps a little frustrated in trying to come up with content.  My mistake, and there are many, was in forcing something that should not be forced.   This entrepreneurial thing is really not for the faint of heart; I just let another business coach know that I was opting out, mainly because like the others, he wanted me to take an approach that felt, well, forced.  Good intentions and good advice…but one thing I am continuing to learn is that the more you try to make something happen, the further away you are from the goal.  This is true in so many things, especially martial arts.  Probably any art form, don’t you think?

When I started training in karate, everything I did was forced.  I wanted to get my black belt as soon as possible.  I also wanted to become powerful and intimidating; kind of a holdover from a young life of being pushed around and bullied.  But good martial arts training doesn’t work that way.  My buddy Matt has a t-shirt with a slogan I’m going to put on one of our walls in the dojo:  “Hold your breath and force it.”  That was definitely me in my early martial arts training.  It was also me in the early stages of my first marriage, sometimes me as a father.  Most definitely me in starting this business.  It’s pretty easy to get lost in the weeds and lose your initial focus.  There are a lot of voices to sift through, especially the ones in your own head.  I’m mean, I don’t “hear” voices…never mind.  I think you get what I’m saying.  It’s nearly impossible to do anything these days without computer-generated opinions that influence our actions.  It’s a good idea to unplug once in a while and breathe…maybe that’s what I needed to do.

Things usually don’t turn out well when we try to muscle them through.  You end up wasting a lot of energy chasing after personal satisfaction that secretly comes from wanting to stroke your own ego.  I used to watch guys in the gym, strut (it’s a dude thing) up to the punching bag and pound on it as vigorously, loudly and visually as possible, kind of like a gorilla pounding his chest.  And when you hit the bag that way, it swings all over the place and you have to grab it and start all over.  The novice believes this happens because of his power.  But watch someone who knows how to hit that bag properly and you see it doesn’t move very much.  Pay close attention to the accuracy and volume of the hits and you’ll realize that guy knows what he’s doing.  And this kind of dude casually walks ups to the bag and takes the time to wrap his hands or at least wears some gloves because he’s learned that the cool factor in torn up knuckles is short lived.  And that guy, not the one who needs to call attention to himself, but the one who understands his strength and limitations…that guy is the one you should be mindful of.  The loudest person in the room with the most insults is usually the one who is running from himself.

I am very blessed to have had the opportunity to train in various martial arts styles.  If I would have only studied karate for my whole life, I would not have the depth of understanding I do now. And good teachers encourage their students to cross train or make it available.  It’s like people who do the same manual job every day, like pounding nails.  Eventually, you develop tendonitis, shoulder impingement, a need for pain killers and surgical intervention that could have all been avoided if you learned how to move differently.  But we like pounding nails; it’s safe and familiar. It doesn’t require a lot of thought or skill.  This describes where I was until I stumbled onto the art of aikido.  You see, aikido doesn’t pound any nails, nor does it attempt to pry them up.  No, aikido simply moves around the nail.  But don’t get me wrong, there are aikiodoka (practitioners) who also try to use strength and force for the same reasons that our "tough" dude pounds on the bag.  It takes a long time to learn that real power comes from its proper application.  That’s what aikido has taught me and it is very much a part of how I practice karate these days.

I guess the main thing is this: you have to open yourself up to fear, failure and pain if you want to grow.  That requires having the courage to learn new skills and to learn things about yourself as well as others.  Maybe step outside of the carefully constructed walls of your ego and ask someone to teach you how to punch that bag.  Or step inside an old, moldy dojo and ask the guy who doesn’t speak your language to teach you his strange art…thus opening the possibility to learn his language and culture.  But don’t force it and don’t force others.  Don’t have strict and unwavering expectations on peoples’ thoughts and actions…they’ll come around eventually and so will you.  Getting there first is nice; getting there together is far more rewarding.

One more thing…Whether you believe in Jesus or not, one thing is clear if you’ve read the gospels; he never forced anything on anyone.  He could have knocked the punching bag into the next universe.  But he just walked up and tapped it, just like he does with us.  Food for thought.

Thanks for your time.

Dave Magliano

Tatsu Dojo

Jissenkan Budo

Dojo Cho