Despite the ever-present shouting, finger-pointing and general lack of decorum in politics and social media today, I believe that most people are far more accepting of each other than certain groups want us to believe. After all, sowing the seeds of discourse in the name of social justice is a powerful tool and provides an inarguable platform. When people rely on emotion rather than critical thinking, regardless of their view, the ability to reason diminishes rapidly.
This is one of the reasons I have always cautioned my students to stay out of certain bars and be very mindful of how (and where) they have a drink or two. There is a big difference between a family sports pub and the club scene. We all know alcohol tends to dilute inhibitions and often common sense. And before you know it, your mouth makes promises your body can’t keep. Maybe you get shoved or talk to the wrong person and you end up facing off against someone along with a few bouncers in tight shirts looking for a reason to earn their pay. Alcohol fuels emotion, emotion fuels conflict.
Let me say that again: emotion fuels conflict. It took me about 25 years of marriage to learn how to keep my mouth shut until my wife explained why something bothered her. Believe me, I gave her plenty ammunition. Now that I am older and she is gone, I wish I would have listened more and said less. It’s probably the best way to conduct ourselves in any relationship. And we have a relationship with everyone we come into contact with, even if it’s just a few seconds.
When we are attacked (or at least feel as though we are), we want to respond in kind, rapidly. Whether it is verbal, physical or someone cuts you off in traffic, we want immediate justice. And somehow, a few honks on the horn and a finger allow for that. My fellow Christians may offer the advice of Christ, “If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also” Matthew 5:39. But then we might do or say something in a passive-aggressive way to make ourselves feel vindicated. I’ve been guilty of that more than once. If you’ve ever lived down south, you know the term, “Bless your heart” has a multitude of implications, the least of which is a prayer for blessing. It’s hard to take the emotion out it, right?
Anger is not the only emotion that leads to conflict. Pride is an essential component of most issues that drive people apart in some way or another. When we feel as though we deserve something from others, even respect, that’s pride. No one promised you’d be respected for the choices you make. And the world owes you nothing just because you may have suffered in some way. It’s simply an implication driven by emotion. It’s like the woman who contacted me several months ago and wanted to start training in our dojo. Apparently she had an orange belt in a style she couldn’t remember and wanted to be able to wear it here. Well, if you cannot explain the style to me and it’s been several years since you even stepped into a dojo, why should I give you that honor? She actually persisted even after I explained that we only have white, brown and black belts here. During our phone conversation, she more or less told me she earned that belt and deserved to wear it. True story. I think this is the natural outcome of a growing trend in society that demands rather than allows me to give someone the benefit of the doubt.
I’ve said this before, but the most beneficial impact I had from studying Budo in Japan was the stark nature of the dojo and the absence of ego. A real dojo is a rare thing. A real dojo is one of the only places in the world where nobody cares about your past, your color, your preferences, your politics or who you pray to…or who you don’t pray to. As the head of this dojo (dojo cho), I don’t give a rodent’s posterior about any of that. And I won’t allow anything of that nature in this place. That is precisely why we wear plain uniforms with no patches, belts with no stripes. There are no trophies, no posters, nothing encouraging you to be a “champion.” Nothing that really sets you apart from anyone else except for your performance of technique that is a natural consequence of consistent practice…or lack of it. And I don’t care where you come from or what you believe in as long as you follow the rules of the dojo.
And what are those rules? Simple.
Show up for class on time and as often as you can. Make time to train outside of the dojo. When you are here, do the best that your body allows and don’t skimp on exercises or drills; you’re only cheating yourself. Bring a clean uniform to class with you and shower up on a regular basis. Trim your finger and toenails. Don’t wear make up or oil in your hair; we share sweat and blood occasionally but not everybody looks good with rouge. Keep your politics and your opinions to yourself on the mat. The only emotions I want to see here are frustration, appropriately placed aggression, exhaustion and laughter. If you want to be a badass, go somewhere else. Get used to being hit often. Get used to not-so-gentle reminders to keep your butt down and keep your guard up. Pay your dues on time; most of what we make keeps the lights on, buys equipment and pays for the little bit of heat we use in winter. And if you can’t pay your dues, talk to me and we will work something out. But don’t quit, not because of money anyway.
If you’ve been here a while, then take the time to help train someone new. It’s not all about you. Remember that. Be a good training partner. Don’t be a “milk toast” uke, but don’t be a jerk either. If I see that behavior often, I promise to help you come to a new understanding. If you wear a white or brown belt, know that everyone in this dojo earns their black belt. If you are a black belt, remember it just means you can learn something. So, show up every time with an empty cup.
There are a few of us out there who believe in the value of martial arts training. It has changed our lives and we want to help others do the same. In order to provide that, there must be a place where nothing else matters but the desire to learn and train. A dojo is one the most inclusive places you will ever find.
Dave Magliano
Tatsu Dojo
Jissenkan Budo
Dojo Cho.
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