I have often written about what an honor it was for me to serve in the military and I had a fantastic career. There's not a day that goes by when I don't think about it and I miss it. But there was one dark period, a time when I had been suspected (not accused) of a very serious crime involving my work computer. Without going into details, this offense was and I believe still is punishable by courts martial and a sentence at Leavenworth. To say I was shocked and scared is definitely an understatement.
I was contacted by the Office of Special Investigations, the Air Force version of the FBI and I was questioned. There I sat, in a small room with a mirror, interrogated by the "bad cop" and coaxed to tell the truth by the "good cop." Very surreal. I was surprisingly calm, one because I knew I was innocent and two because I was able to put my fear and anger at bay and focus on breathing. Then came the moment the agents presented their evidence; a digital read out of the times and dates these offenses took place involving my personal work computer. Three things saved me: First, I was a rule follower and every time I signed onto my work computer during the day, I followed the prescribed protocols. I never signed on as a "guest" like the real perpetrator did...pattern of behavior. Second, all of these instances took place after duty hours. Third, and most important, every one of the events happened while I was in town at my friend's dojo teaching classes. Another time when God's grace and martial arts saved me. After I told this to the agents and was ready to back up my story with about 30 witnesses, they were a bit deflated and angry.
But I wasn't out of the woods yet and I opted for special counsel afforded to all active duty. In the meantime, the agents asked me if I wanted to take a lie detector test and I whole heartedly agreed. Because I asked for legal representation, the OSI agents said I had to wait until I spoke to the legal office before I could take the test. I spoke to an Air Force captain over the phone. She was stationed in California. The conversation was brief and unemotional; "I have reviewed all of the evidence and I advise you not to take the lie detector test." "But Ma'am," I protested, "I didn't do this and I want to clear my name." She simply repeated her statement. End of phone call. A big part of me wanted to do it anyway. But there were bigger things to think about; my family, my career and the rest of my life. I don't know why she advised me not to take the lie detector test, but I was definitely not in my wheelhouse and I took her advice. Nothing more was said. The agents didn't contact me and apologize for accusing me. What's more, I know there were probably a few people who thought I was guilty and there was no way for me to prove otherwise. Some times, you have to keep your sword sheathed.
In the months that followed, I pieced together a few things on my own and I'm still pretty sure I knew who actually did it. If you are a "hard charger" as I was back in the day and not afraid of confrontation, especially when you know you're right, you'll make some enemies. I knew of one in particular who had the ability, resources and motive. I know, it sounds like a movie, right? But you can't make this stuff up. Anyway, I gritted my teeth for a while but I stayed the course and eventually enjoyed the better part of my career. There are times when you have to hold on to your truth, even if no one believes you. But that's not easy, is it? We all want vindication when we've been wronged. I guess that's one of the reasons Jesus tells us to let our "yes" be "yes" and our "no" be "no." Matthew 5:37 This kind of thing has happened to me more than once, though certainly not this severe, and there's one thing I've learned; eventually, the truth of who you are comes through. But, don't expect an apology. Don't expect the "special agents" in your life to come forward and say, "Gosh, we're really sorry." Most of them aren't, even if they know they're wrong.
There has been more than one instance in my life when I've had to back down from a physical or verbal fight. But the skilled and confident warrior understands that there is a time and place for combat and a time to walk away despite our ability to cut deep with a sword or with words. There's always a bigger picture, something more to think about than how you feel in a particular moment in time. Breathe. Breathe and know who you are even when those around you may not. Regardless of where you are in the spectrum of faith, you can't help but look to the story of the cross and know of the One whose power exceeds anything on earth and whose mercy exceeds all understanding. He could have saved himself with a word, but saw the bigger picture. "Pray for your enemies," he says. Not an easy thing to do, but the right is never easy.
A few people in my life are believers in karma. Essentially, whatever you do in life will come back to you some how. Kind of a hope or desire that "you get what's coming to you." The enlightened person does not wish ill on anyone, despite real or perceived transgressions. The problem with things like karma and luck is that they are passive; like believing in destiny, you have no real power to direct your course. Ask some of the American Indians of the past how they feel about Manifest Destiny. I don't believe in karma, but I do believe in grace. Grace is active and immediate. It requires something from us that we are not always willing to provide: empathy. In order for someone to truly show grace and mercy, they must first understand humility. Not everyone does, kids. But that's okay. Breathe. Practice. Train with heart and with passion. Keep putting yourself in uncomfortable situations and keep showing up. I promise, your blade gets sharper every time.
The warrior knows when to engage and when to retreat. They know who they are and they know how sharp that blade is. It takes extraordinary discipline and humility to keep it sheathed until you really need it.
Dave Magliano
Tatsu Dojo
Jissenkan Budo
Dojo Cho
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