Among other necessary items my kids had growing up, (like trampolines), we always managed to have one piece of equipment that was crucial to their development: a ping pong table. I had one growing up and I was schooled in the sport and art of ping pong by my father and older brother, who both taught me the finer aspects of cheating and trash-talking to intimidate and thwart my opponents. Now, I was never unbeatable, but I could hold my own. Sure, I practiced every now and then, but it was never that important to me. Naturally, when my kids were old enough to play (I think they were like, two), we got ourselves a ping pong table. Terri and I used to play a lot, but she was very competitive and serious about sports. I, on the other hand, was not and I used to win by employing the same ruthless methods learned many years before.
It was pretty easy to beat my kids at first. My error was not only playing with them often, but also teaching them how they could practice on their own. Fatal mistake. Still, my secret methods of non legal play and verbal jujitsu typically allowed me to win until they hit high school. That’s when my youngest, Andy, got tired of being beaten all the time by myself and his older brother, who also used similar devious methods. You learn a lot about your kids as they get older and like his mother was, Andy is extraordinarily competitive. So competitive in fact, that he would come home from school every day and practice on his own. The throng of the ping pong ball was deafening during his relentless sessions. I was not overly concerned, because I still possessed the power of fatherly intimidation. Possessed. Past tense.
You see, not only did Andy develop incredible hand and eye coordination, but he practiced so much that he truly understood how to play the game. And, he can do it without cheating. To make things worse, he has elevated his form of trash talking to a new level of sarcasm that makes any opponent understand how pitiful their game is, like Andy feels sorry for your lack of skill. Yeah, it’s pretty bad. I won’t play him anymore. I have enough reasons to be down on myself.
In all seriousness, Andy’s story is really just another example of how discipline works. The key components are goal orientation, drive and commitment. The last one is the most crucial.
You know, I’ve had to learn how to advertise for our little dojo and in order to do that when I first started, I visited hundreds of martial arts school websites to see how they did it. One of the most consistent sales pitches I’ve seen is this: “We will teach your child (or you) the art of discipline.” I can’t stand that line for a lot of reasons. First, if your child doesn’t have any discipline, that’s on you. It’s a learned behavior, not something you can teach and if they don’t see you practicing it or instilling it, they won’t have it. You can’t outsource discipline. That’s because it is the culmination of consistent, small behavioral changes that lead to habits and mindset. The key component: commitment. Behavioral and physical changes only happen with discipline, which only happens with consistent, committed actions. Small ones at first that grow over time.
It would seem that discipline is a natural outcome of martial arts training, but that is not the case. I’ve met and trained with a lot of people who train but lack the discipline to progress past a certain level. More often than not, they had the discipline when they were younger and may have achieved their black belt, but lost their vigor once the goal was met. This is a shame, because there are far more important things to learn and achieve than a black belt. But you have to stick with it. And like my kid, you have to be willing to practice a little or a lot every day. You have to be willing to make other life changes, e.g. strength training, calisthenics, watch what you eat, etc. All of these aspects affect performance…and your life.
I thoroughly believe that all martial arts have value and all have the potential for self-defense and lethality. Keanu Reeves did an interview some years back on the subject of Tai Chi. Remarking on older people who practice the art in parks every day, Reeves told the interviewer he would not want to get into an altercation with an avid Tai Chi practitioner. You wouldn’t think the soft, subtle movements could be lethal, but I can tell you through my own experience, this is a martial art. How can something so gentle be devastating? Practice. Practice, experience, good instruction and self-discipline. That’s how any martial art can be effective. The question is, how strong is your discipline?
If you want to achieve higher levels of prowess in your martial art or sport, you must exercise daily discipline. If you want to exercise, lose weight, rehab your shoulder, whatever…you have to commit to it every day, not just on the days you visit the dojo or the gym. Discipline is not what people see…it’s what people don’t see. Discipline lies between your outward appearance and your inner struggle. And to coin a poignant phrase, it is the road less traveled by.
Dave Magliano
Tatsu Dojo
Jissenkan Budo
Dojo Cho
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