I have never been a fan of January. It’s cold and bleak (in Ohio, anyway) and the only thing to look forward to is February. But this month now holds different meaning for me. Two Januarys ago my wife past away from ovarian cancer. God has blessed me since she died and I have been able to move on but there’s not a day I don’t think about her. And January…I could do without the month of January for the rest of my life.
Like most married couples, we each had our roles; I did the yard and took out the trash. She cooked during the week and cleaned…most of the time (insert smiley face). She bought all my clothes and handled the bills. Yeah, that’s right, except for military uniforms, she bought all of my clothes because I am color blind and cheap. Bad combination.
We were both fans of Christian books and our favorite author was Max Lucado. She typically read a book first (Max is an easy read) and then I would read it. After I finished, we would have “couch church” on Sundays and talk about it. These were great conversations and if you happen to be married, I hope you do something similar.
At this point, you might be wondering why I’m talking about this in a martial arts blog. The short answer is that martial arts has always been a part of my life and it was a part of our lives together. But I have some important things to share with you.
Like I said, I didn’t handle the finances because I am a cheap bastard. Had it not been for Terri, we probably would have been living in a trailer and feasting on beans and rice. Okay, maybe not that bad, but you get the picture. Finances stressed me out, but she was never phased. “It’s just money” was one of her favorite sayings.
But life doesn’t care about cancer and grief and things keep moving forward. During the last week of her life, Terri was in hospice and she was slowly slipping away. And I had to pay the bills for the first time in 33 years. She used to keep the checkbook and all the financial stuff in a credenza I still have and I remember the day in friggin’ January that I opened it.
Right there on the little shelf was a Max Lucado book I had never seen. You’ll Get Through This. Maybe she bought the book and put it there knowing I would eventually find it. Maybe God put it there. Maybe it was both. But I took that book and sat by the fire and read a little bit of it each day during the last week of her life. And I got through it.
The day before her funeral I went into my closet to prepare the tailor-made, tweed suit my grandfather made for me many years before. It hung in the very back, unused and lonely because I never had occasion to wear it. So, I shoved all the other clothes away to retrieve it and hanging very neatly over the pants between the jacket lapels was a brand new silver-blue tie. I never wore ties, folks. Especially not one like this. And best as I could tell, a perfect match for my suit. Maybe she bought knowing it I would wear that suit. Maybe God put it there. Maybe it was both.
Again, you might be wondering, “where’s the martial arts?” It’s in every bit of this story. You see, in the days preceding her death and in the days that followed, a part of me, the best part of me, was dying. I’ve had all kinds of physical pain but nothing in the world hurt like that. It would have been easy to jump into a bottle and never come out. Especially in the months that followed because the pandemic hit and I was completely alone. Another bad combination.
But every day, I'd put on my karate gi, dragged myself out to the garage dojo and trained. I went through all the basics, I hit hard things, I swung my wooden sword (bokken) and I did kata. And I got through it. Throughout the years I always thought that all this training was going to come to fruition in some street fight or perhaps in combat. I never dreamed it would be the one thing to keep me sane and keep me going at the worst time of my life.
You know, it’s really hard to explain to people why martial arts training is so important and how it can affect their lives. I hope that I have been able to do a little bit of that with this small tribute to my wife.
One more thing. Don’t try to push through your days, even the ones in friggin’ January. Don’t live for the weekend but live for each day. Appreciate what and who you have…every day. Just my two cents.
Dave Magliano
Tatsu Dojo
Jissenkan Budo
Dojo Cho
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